Deciding To Succeed! (STEP ONE)

As I have said in previous posts, it's not enough to want to change. I think "wanting to change" is a pretty familiar feeling or desire for most people. After all, no one is perfect, and we all have things about ourselves, our situation, and our lives, that we wish could be different.

I wanted to change for a LONG time. With every new pound or inch that I gained, I wished it wasn't there. And every time I made unhealthy decisions in regards to what I put in my mouth,I would beat myself up over it, frustrated by my "lack of self control", and what I perceived to be "my inability to to make the right choices" in regards to my health and my appearance.

On January 1st, I progressed from "wanting to change" to "DECIDING to change". And I also changed my mind set from "should" to "could". And I think that mind set has made all the difference.

Believing You Can & Will Succeed! (STEP TWO)

Low self esteem and self hatred are the enemies of success. Believing that you just don't measure up, or feeling like you don't have what it takes to reach your goals will guarantee that you don't. And expecting perfection from yourself will surely leave you feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated to change. I recognized the truth in that early this year, and that is one of the reasons why I am sitting here today, 40+ lbs lighter!

I realized that the first thing I had to do was believe in myself, believe in my ability to change.And just as important as believing that I was capable of change was believing that I was worth it! Easier said than done, of course, since negative self talk seems to come naturally to me.

I made the decision that I was going to stop that depressing inner monologue, that I was going to be kind to myself, that I was going to talk sense to myself, whenever those self loathing, self defeating thoughts came up. It wasn't easy at first, in fact, it was quite a battle. It STILL IS on some days. But progress is definitely being made in that area!

For those of you who are struggling with self doubt, and self loathing, I would suggest writing down a positive mantra to repeat to yourself. Mine goes something like this:

I believe I have the power to change!

I believe I have what it takes to better myself & reach my goals!

I know it will be hard at times, but I also know that I am worth the effort!

Or sometimes my mantra is:

I have decided to be the best that I can be today!

I will strive for PROGRESS, not PERFECTION!

I will celebrate and be proud of who I am, and what I have accomplished!

I CAN & WILL reach my goals!

Feel free to use mine, or come up with some of your own. Whatever works for you. Whatever gets you out of the habit of self defeating and self loathing thoughts.

Taking Time To Figure Out Your How's & Why's (STEP THREE)

I have wrote about this in my previous blogs, and I will do so again, because it is so important!

I can't tell you how many times I have read posts on the Weight Watchers message boards, (or talked to others who are trying to lose weight) and heard something like I this:

"Starting again! This is my 3rd attempt at losing weight with Weight Watchers....I hope I am successful this time."

"Lost 80lbs a few years ago, but somehow I have put 65 of it back on!"

"I just keep losing and re-gaining the same 20lbs!"

Sound familiar? It did to me too, and was definitely something I could relate to! Got me thinking though: "What the heck is the point of putting forth the effort to lose weight in the first place if you aren't going to keep it off in the long run?" I mean, isn't taking it off ONCE in a lifetime hard enough!

I think the reason that most people aren't successful with maintaining their weight loss is because they rush right into the "taking it off" phase. We all know how to do that right? Healthy eating and exercise (we're not talking rocket science here,LOL)

But if you don't take the time to figure out WHY you are overweight in the first place (and I don't mean the simplistic, obvious reasons like " I eat too much,and I don't exercise") you are not going to be successful at maintaining your weight loss or perhaps, even losing weight in the first place.

You have to go further than that, deeper than that, beyond the obvious. I did, and that's one of the reasons I was able to lose weight, and one of the reason I feel confident now about my ability to keep this weight off for the rest of my life.

When I analyzed my HOW's & WHY's in regards to my continuous struggle to lose and maintain weight loss it was pretty clear to me that, in a nutshell, I was fat because I used food to cope with stress. I used food to cope with sadness and anxiety. I used food to cope with boredom and loneliness. And I have always struggled to find enjoyment in physical exertion. In my opinion, if it didn't involve sunny weather, or spending "quality time" with my man, I didn't enjoy breaking a sweat! LOL

Perhaps you can relate to my HOW'S & WHY's. If not, I would strongly encourage you to take the time to figure out your own.

You may be thinking " I don't have to do it right now, I will just start with my diet, and try to get in some exercise today. I will figure it out later." And it's true, you can start to eat healthier and fit in a walk, and you can start to lose some of that weight you've been carrying around. BUT if you want to maintain the weight you do lose, you have to spend a bit of time figuring these things out. A better understanding of yourself and your weaknesses, can also help you to lose weight quicker and more consistently by helping you to stay on course, and by helping you to know what you are up against so you can take steps to overcome those obstacles. You are less likely to be successful in moments of weakness and temptation if you haven't taken the time to figure out what they are and when they will occur.

That takes us to STEP FOUR!

Making the Change! (STEP FOUR)

Ok! So I figured it out! I overeat, and I overeat because I have an unhealthy relationship with food! I see food as my friend,my comfort, my entertainment, etc.

NOW WHAT?

Well, now comes the scary part.....trying to come up with "something else" to fill the void. Trying to start doing things in a different way, time to figure out what works!

I don't have all the answers here, but a lot of what is working for me, will work for other people. Everyone has their own quirks, their own beliefs, and their own set of needs, so it is important that each person figures out what works for them.

For me, it has been helpful to acknowledge to myself, and to others, how I am feeling. To end my silence. Sometimes it's just in a journal to myself. I write about what is stressing me out, or making me sad. I write about my regrets and the things I wish I had done differently. Just putting those things down helps me to deal with them, helps me to feel I can put them to rest, even if it is just for the time being, until I have some more clarity about them. Acknowledging my feelings in this way has helped me to face them and deal with them in a more positive way, instead of turning to food to distract and soothe me.

When someone ticks me off, I express my anger. When someone does something that hurts or offends me, I let them know! If someone does not treat me with dignity and respect, I let them know what my boundaries are and that I will not allow them to treat me that way.

I share my opinions, without fear of whether people agree with them or not. (I used to be WAY too concerned about other people's opinions. More concerned about theirs, than my own.)

I have also found it helpful to forgive. Myself and others. And believe me, there has been MUCH to forgive, both in regards to my own history, choices I've made, and in regards to what others have done to me.

Forgiveness is not easy. I find it to be a daily challenge to forgive, some days harder than others. But I continue to work towards it, to try and see things in a different way, because finding forgiveness, towards yourself and towards others, can be such a freeing thing. Walking around daily, feeling hurt and angry, is like carrying around a bag that is full of rocks. It weighs you down, far more than any physical weight ever could. And like I said, it's not easy to forgive others when they have wronged you. In situations of abuse (sexual, physical, mental) it can be especially hard.

But I realize that we don't forgive others for them, we do it for ourselves. Forgiveness is not saying "What you did to me wasn't so bad". Forgiveness is saying "I choose to let this go. I choose not to hold onto this, I choose to take back my power! I will not let you influence my life or my emotions anymore!"

I find forgiving myself the hardest at times. It's hard to let go of feelings like "I wish I hadn't done that", or the unrealistic beliefs that I SHOULD have been perfect. SUCH BS! Like anybody can be perfect anyway! But still, it is hard to accept the reality of my humanness all the same at times.

So, who do you need to forgive? What do you need to vent or journalize?

As always, thanks for listening! Feel free to write me or leave me messages with any questions or comments you might have. I am always happy to help!

My next blog entry will be posted shortly, either later on today or within the next few days.

Until then,

Take care,

Rebeckah Faith

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